build rapport and win friends

Excellent, so last week we were talking about a very simple way to build rapport with somebody is to put your phone away. When you’re talking to somebody, do not look at your phone no matter how much you have the urge to look at it. Don’t, it’s a no no. You’re sending a message out that you’re not interested in the other person, that they’re not worthy of your time. That’s not a message we’re going to send.

Rapid Listening

And I promised to show you a technique for listening. Now, listening is a great skill to develop. I’m going to show you a technique. Now as a technique, any technique, takes a bit of practice. But once you’ve practised this just for the shortest period of time, what will start to happen is you will be able to repeat verbatim whatever anybody says. And you’ll look engaged and interested in the other person and that’s what we want.

We need more engagement and interest. And it’s amazing that if you just listen to somebody, people start to think of you as being charismatic, that you’re interesting. Yes, I know. These simple things that we can do that can make all the difference. Okay, so what’s the technique? Well, I call it rapid listening. Rapid listening. Okay, so here’s how we do it. What I’d like you to do is to listen to me now and start to repeat, inside your head, the words that I’m saying.

And notice, you can repeat the words inside your head, the moment a fraction behind me saying it. And that’s often because we think faster than we speak. That is why most people are waiting to speak and not listening. Now I can speed up, and you can still keep up with me because like I said, you think faster than I speak. And now I’m speaking quite fast and I can say the word plum. You didn’t know I was going to say the word plum but could still say it inside your head.

Now I paused, you didn’t have anything to say because you were no longer waiting to speak, you were paying attention to me. Which gave a natural pause, which then allowed me to carry on speaking, which is a great skill to develop, to allow people to carry on speaking. Whether you’re a coach, a mentor, a manager, a team leader, you name it, all these areas will enable you to be able to use rapid listening and have that natural pause. Now have you noticed, once you start doing it, it’s really hard to stop?

Excellent, so go out and use it. Now initially, like I said right at the beginning, it’s a technique. You won’t remember a lot of what somebody’s just said when you’re starting learning the technique. But once you’ve got it, you’ll be able to repeat verbatim whatever anybody says. Which does mean next time you’re at a meeting, and they’re not called board meetings for no reason. How often have you seen a meeting dissolve in on itself and people just disconnect from it?

Well, you get to the point where you know that you have to pay attention, but your mind is just starting to drift away, use rapid listening. A couple of things will happen, it brings you back into the room. You’ll be focused on the other person. And also, you’ll definitely get brownie points because you’ll be the only person in the room that looks interested in what the person has to say. And it doesn’t matter who they are, they will gravitate towards somebody who’s interested in what they have to say.

Let me know how it goes. I’d love to hear how you’ve been using rapid listening. So, do leave a message below, a comment below, and I’ll get back to you. Give us the big thumbs up. Do all the social media wonderful likes and all the different things. Love to hear from you. Take care, until next week. See you soon.

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Book of the week: Before You Know It

rapid listening For more than three decades, Dr John Bargh has been conducting revolutionary research into the unconscious mind – not Freud’s dark, malevolent unconscious but a helpful and powerful part of the mind that we can access and understand through experimental science. Now, Dr Bargh presents an engaging and enlightening tour of the influential psychological forces that are at work as we go about our daily lives – checking a dating app, holding a cup of hot coffee or getting a flu jab.

Dr Bargh takes you into his labs at New York University and Yale, where his ingenious experiments have shown how the unconscious guides our behaviour, goals and motivations in areas like race relations, parenting, business, consumer behaviour and addiction. He reveals the pervasive influence of the unconscious mind in who we choose to date or vote for, what we buy, where we live, how we perform on tests and in job interviews, and much more. Before You Know It is full of surprising and entertaining revelations as well as tricks to help you remember to-do items, shop smarter and sleep better.

Before You Know It will profoundly change the way you understand yourself by introducing you to a fascinating world only recently discovered, the world that exists below the surface of your awareness and yet is the key to unlocking new ways of thinking, feeling and behaving.

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  1. I’m ever apt to interrupt people as my internal thoughts flow super swiftly so I am much looking forward to trying some Rapid Listening. I know quite a few people will be pleased to see my butterfly mind settle for a while. Thanks for the great advise John.

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